Letter to my future son

Dear Son,

I'm rotting here in this self made hell and dreaming how it would have been if I had played one more game of hide and seek, if I had stolen one cup of sugar and ran across the hall, who I would have been if I had really followed my passion, my dreams ignoring those all who thought I was unrealistic, what love would have been if I had dared to marry her by giving a damn to what society thinks.

With complete paralyzed body, hearing disability and poor vision, I still have that faint shadow of my dreams, I had once dreamt. Coughing with blood I am cursing myself here son, in this death bed. The bed has become wet of the tears I have cried. To hold other's tears, I lived this hell and I am rotting down. I lived with the fear of tomorrow and look at me today I am silenced with the fear of coffins looking at the watch I stay waiting for him to take me with him. With blur vision and deafness I can simply imagine what it would be to live again.

But my son, tomorrow, I don’t want you to live the life I lived because there aint no second chance. I want you to go out there and do it far more better than you think you can, follow you heart, follow your passion. Have the wildest dream. There will always be people telling you that you cannot cross the ocean. Remember this: people who tell you, you can't are wrong. There will always be people telling you how hollow and unrealistic are your thoughts. Then my boy, follow your intuitions, have faith in yourself, be prepared to drop sweats, be prepared for some liters of tears, they are down the lane in anyone's life.

Earth is simply going to conspire against you and bring you down to your knees. Be prepared. But fight you must, fight for your dreams, fight for what you really want. Don’t betray your soul, don’t betray your dreams. Take off your ideal jacket and work like hell out there, work there in freezing cold, in scorching sun. Work like a mad man. No the sun will not always shine, there will be sunset, it will turn dark, you will be lonely, you will be alone, and at the middle of the road, you will feel cold inside. Then remember me, there are moments like these. Believe in yourself, believe in dreams, believe in sweat, believe in work, and believe in miracles. You are not one of the best, you are the best. You are my blood and you are in my blood. Till the last breath, I'll always love you.

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Dear God,

I am right in front of you; I'm bowing down my head, feeling guilt of all the things I had once said. I feel like I am a lost soldier who wandered in the war, I can't go there alone god, I've gone too far. I am happy to be alive, but look at me, I'm dying every day, stand I with mass of flesh and silently I lay. I go to sleep at night, but I simply lie on my bed, seem I alive, try to be lively simply by nodding head.

You told me you'll save me, I've watched your promise fall, god you've left me all alone, walk I lone in hall. Where have my dreams stolen? I cry every night; you've watched me fall like a huge mammoth from a mighty height. I am walking now and then putting mask of life, lost my soul, I've lost my dreams, only body has life. If you really care me, then carry me there again, lift me up now, make me again, golden egg laying hen.

God, you be there with me, together we will go far, cross every seas and oceans, cross hills and tars. Give me wings please god, I want to fly again, give me power, hold me tight, let me feel it in my vein. You carry me in your soldiers and we will circle this world, just give me your hands please, I'll again be bold. Promise me you'll be with me this world ends, I know you god very well, but please do not be mean. Hold me tight every time, others hurt me now, make me climb that mighty mountain, make it possible somehow. Why can't you see that I am crying alone every time? Mother told me you care all, but you don’t care stuffs of mine. Just give me more blessings, give me more strength, I'll cross every seas, no matter their length. Give me power and I'll fly higher like anyone did, I'm lonely, I'm hungry, come to me and let me feed. They say you have huge heart but I don’t think there is my name, please stop it big brother without you I cannot win this game.

I was the king I used to rule, but you've thrashed me so hard, if you are testing my power then I am also fighting back. Let me tell you this, I have seen roses fade, I have lived in dead man's shade, I have seen fall of sun, I've seen moon rise, I've listened speaking of those who people call are wise. I have seen pen move, I've seen the gun, I've seen people killed simply for fun. I've seen lovers make hearts out of deal; I've seen flying dolphins, crying whales and seals. I cried alone with you every time, you didn’t hold my tears, lived I life now and then with yours created doubts and fear. You won't send any boats to rescue me; I’ve got to sail on my own, I've got to push and cross limits like I had once shown. I know you'll pull me back again just like you did before, I am telling you I’m not turning back even a second more. I cried alone every nights, now I’m going to smile, got to come back again, before time says good bye. Time has passed and you thrashed me, but I am fighting back, your little champ is fighting again to put his own flag.

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Exam

Exams are the time when every students wake up from the long sleep, which common people call it Kumbakarne nidai and those who are infected from science call it hibernation. Exams are those frightful nightmare which loosens the coolness of the coolest guy and punkness of the punks.

Talking about a normal student, say a student like me who is currently studying in class twelve at the moment has already faced about seventy exams, excluding the surprise tests and those stupid class tests that teachers take and never return the papers. But still this examphobia never disappears. The first term of class XI does not have any effect on my life and neither will it have and neither will the first term of class XII will have any effect. But still this stupid thing on the left portion of the body beats so hard when it hears those deadly four letter words. E-X-A-M………..

The poorest time on the exam hall is when you’ve done everything you know from the papers, you start counting marks and circling the questions you don’t know. And suddenly you realize you have already done questions of sixty marks out of seventy five in an hour. And a second later, you realize the marks you had just counted were the marks of the questions you didn’t do. There are circles around almost every question and now blank goes the mind. You again start counting marks you scored to find out you have just attempted questions of about fifteen marks. You try to look to other friend’s copy simply to discover he has already left out the hall;may be in depression.

Another huge problem in exam hall is when the invigilators come near you and start to see what you are writing. Now if there is anything stored in your head, then no matter how rubbish it is, everyone is going to write. But the worst moment is when invigilator comes to you and looks at your paper and since the brain is totally empty, you have to act as if you’ve just forgotten something and you look out of the window as if there are answers hung by birds. And usually students prefer to bite pen at this moment.

The last half an hour is the most hopeful moment for any student. It is the time when the one who has already lost hope of passing in exam, discovers a new soul in his body. Now what actually makes this thirty minutes the best time for every students is because of the fact that even if the invigilator snatches your copy, then too there is no loss at all because you have already poured every drops of knowledge, you know in those papers. So every student has a bold soul and becomes a military of say Alqueda and attacks at the answer sheets of others.

And as the exam is over, you walk out of the exam hall, counting every possible marks the teachers can give such as even if you have written in numerical, only the words like: Here, Solution, We know, Given, Now, According to questions……. These are the most famous words and needless to say, Who can neglect the word: etc.?? It’s such a lifesaving word.

When you reach home, your mother asks you how who were the exams. And you reply gently. “The questions were damn easy, I wish I had more time. The time was just not enough, otherwise I will have surely topped the exam.”

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Welcome earth to 21st century

Forests have turned into pasturelands, pasturelands have turned into deserts, clouds are bearing acids. Welcome earth to the 21^st century.

World has become completely different than what it was supposed to. Snow has started to melt, birds have started to migrate, rainfall pattern is changing every now and then. USA Human Resource says the world is still sustained. How sustained it is, we all know. We have already lost large mammoths, dinosaurs, archaeopteryx. I don’t even see butterfly nowadays. Houses, houses and houses that’s what the world is covered with and we all are still satisfied sipping coffee drinks in house watching at the acidic rain fall upon us calling it romantic evening?

World is wrapped up with carbon monoxide. Earth is becoming a hotter place every year. The smoke emitted by the plane in which Obama had travelled during, "Vote for Me" contest together with John Mc Cain is believed to have produced carbon dioxide which can be purified by 35% of amazon forest. (Please don’t believe statistical data in my blog). It is an amazing mission the people now are up to, making nature adopt to us. Nobody knows the result yet, but well as I see it through my glasses; I can clearly see humans are losing.

An air conditioner can't make that big fight with the mighty sun. No matter how big companies we run of mineral water, we cannot do anything if the world undergoes desertification. We cannot live every time having oxygen cylinder in our backs. We need to learn to live here and adopt ourselves. Well that's what "Survival of the fittest" is all about.

Today we are going to lose tigers. Tomorrow we will lose deers. Then we are going to loose the whole ecosystem. And who do you blame at that time? USA or Iraq? Saddham Husain or George W Bush? Maoist or Congress??

The clock is ticking fast and it not too tough to hear. Yarshagumba nowadays is found in low heights. Snakes that had to be in Terai are spotted here in Kathmandu. Anyhow our generation may survive. But really? 

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We Are Forever

Boy's Story:

And I walked here and there not knowing where to go

Wishing she would come again, lit my path and show

Wait I did in rain and sun, I waited everyday

Wishing she would come again and hoping she would say

It was getting dark then, outside it was cold

Showed I courage to stay there, I became bold

She told me in dreams, she’d come; seems she betrayed me

Thirteen miles I walked for her and all these things to see

Down I went the same lane with a broken heart

Still hoping she’d call me, but this time I felt short
She played with my heart and went and never showed up again

It seemed the people telling me not to go were right then

Thirteen miles I walked again in sun, spitting on my face

I watched every steps in sand, but couldn’t find her trace

I looked up at the sun looking how she today betrayed

And flowers came, and she looked down and kissed me in my head

Girl’s story:

And I know he will walk all those thirteen miles

In scorching heat and snow without a slightest sigh

And I’m watching him from above, I’m here he wont know

He’ll still waiting for me to come up there and show

He’ll think I betrayed him, but I never did

Somebody go and tell him, he’s planting dead seed

He’ll cry heavily remembering me every now and then

He’ll return with faded rose in that same lane

He’ll return with broken heart and scold the mighty sun

Coz my friends never told story of my sad mourn

I’ll go and show him then and there that I never betrayed

When he goes down in knees, I’ll kiss him in his head

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