Nineteen

You have somehow managed to fight, struggle and yes, WIN these eighteen years. So, a big congratulations and many many happy returns of the day, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU :) And this new digit of age comes with new responsibilities, new aims, new goals, new ambition and needless to say with new HOPE. So today let me tell you something which perhaps, you already know..:)

It’s a new day, a new beginning. Yes, we may have done mistakes in the past. We may have done idiotic things, things we wished we had not done. But perfection is a myth, it does not exist. We all do mistakes, don't we? We are all humans, and to do a mistake is perhaps a birth right. But doing the same wrong deeds again and again is foolishness and you by no means are foolish, and that is for sure. So from TODAY ON, I want you to stop worrying about past. Whether it was glorious or haunting, it is past and the sad truth is that you cannot change past. But what you have is future, a golden future calling your name, waiting for you to make a grand entry there. But you can never reach if you don’t go. The first step of getting something done is getting started. So, from TODAY ON, do not look back, because many achievements and accomplishments could never be completed because of failure to begin. Today, I want you to begin.

From TODAY ON, I want you to know that life is about finding happiness in smallest of the stuffs. Many people wander through their life in search of happiness thinking it to be a destiny. But it’s not a destiny. It’s something you create by your own. Happiness is found in the smallest of things we don’t really count. It is found in mother's smile, father's warm hug, sister's chit chat, dog's cute sleep. So learn to be happy and smile too often, after all as I have told you many times, "Keep smiling, smile is what suits you the best, just perfect".

From TODAY ON, I want you to realize that you should take nothing in life for granted. Yes, NOTHING. Because the things we take for granted are sometimes the things that mean the most to us. We are humans and as I said, we make mistakes. How many times do we realize the importance of sound health until we fall ill?? How many times we take the food for granted until we are really hungry? How many times do we take someone's presence for granted until we realize what their absence really means? So, from TODAY ON I want you to be thankful for the things you have but keep on striding for the best because life is simply not about waiting for miracles to happen. It is about believing that miracles can happen and then, making it a reality.

From TODAY ON, I want you to go out there and show what you are really worth. Stop listening to what others say or think about you. Remember in games, it is always the audience who shouts, not the players. So, from TODAY ON, Stop measuring your success based upon the success of others, the scale of measuring your success begins from the topmost level of other's success scales. And I really mean it.  FROM TODAY ON, I want you to take risks and play. Its far better to live a life of, "Well", than, "What would have happened if?? .." Sometimes, as you might have discovered, you really can’t listen to others, you gotta listen to your heart and give a damn about what others think. Because at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live your life, you are the one who needs to drive your own cab of life. You are not meant to sit at passengers sit, watching someone drive your cab at the direction, THEY want you to go. You need to drive your cab by yourself.

As I am remembering you and writing for you in my desktop, I am having a hard time thinking of what you should begin because you are way wiser than me and you know what to do, when to do and how to do. But sometimes even the best fall down. Sometimes we fall hard so bad that we doubt we can stand again and we begin to question ourselves and get lost in the crowd. So when you think you are feeling low, when you think you are disappearing in the crowd, then remember me, I will always be there for you. And No, you are not meant to be lost in the crowd. And as I have known you, you are born to lead. You had once told me, "The power of spectacle decreases only among five people out of hundred. So I am among five out of hundred". No, you had lied. You are not among five in hundred. You are one in a million and I want you to remain that way. I HOPE that one day; you will realize your true potential. I HOPE that one day; you will really get what you're worth. I HOPE the crown of success suits the best in your head. Sometimes we just don’t see our true worth by ourselves, so I HOPE that one day, you will see yourself, the way I see you through my eyes, today I HOPE.

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Special Times With You

Dedicated to all my wonderful friends I've met!!I love you very much!!!

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives,

Where we're gonna be when we turn twenty five,

I keep thinking things will never change,

Keep on thinking, things will always be the same

But when we leave this year, we wont be coming back,

No more hanging out, cause we are on a different track,

And if you got something to say,

You’d better say it right now cause you don’t have another day

Cause we're moving on and we cannot slow down,

These memories are playing like a film without sound,

And I keep thinking of that night in June,

I don’t know much of love

But it came too soon

And there was me and you,

And there was me and you,

And we got the real blue,

And we got the real blue

Stay at home talking on telephone,

We'd get so excited and we'd get so scared

Laughing at ourselves thinking life aint fair

And this is how it feels

As we go on we remember,

All the times we had together,

As our lives change come WHATEVER,

We will still be friends forever

So what if we get big jobs?

And we make big money,

When we look back now,

Will our jokes still be funny?

Will we think of tomorrow, like we think about now?

Can we survive out there?

Can we make it somehow?

I guess I thought that this world would never end

And suddenly its like we're men and women

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?

Will there memories fade when I leave this town

I keep; I keep thinking that it's not a good bye,

Keep on thinking it's time to fly, fly high

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Stop your Bullshit

Dear Parents, stop your bullshit!!I don’t care how you lived back then? By having a candle placed between there of your brothers or by taking eating, "makai- bhatta", all days, I don’t care. That’s the way you lived. Now just because you lived that way doesn't mean that I can struggle the same way. Time has changed. That was not the only condition of yours but of the whole society back then, and so were you adapted to it. But as I said time has changed. And we need to adapt here, and not at black and white of 80s. We have our problems, our different goals, different thinking. So, for love of god, stop your bullshit.

Darling, stop your bullshit!!Stop living in a fantasy of Romeo and Julliet, just stop it. Stop thinking that a prince charming will come in his beautiful white horse to take you, darling, he might come in a bicycle that doesnot have horns or has just been punctured. So stop living in a fantasy and stop thinking it will work out the Cindrella way, "the happily thereafter theme". Oh for god damn!!stop your bullshit!!

Dear society, stop your bullshit!!I recognize each of your faces. The day I won, with such a small face you were giving me congratulations and I know you very well, the day I lost, you were the ones to clap at my failure, and you think you can fool me?? Stop living this dual life and stop saying that you care me. Dear society, stop your bullshit!!

Dear friends, stop your bullshit!! Where were you when I was crying alone yesterday? And where was your:: that, that big supporting hands when I had gone down to my knees? You didn’t even give a fuck to me that time, and today you are giving me those big lectures on friendship that, "Man cannot live like a drop of oil on water, he needs friends, he needs accompanies"!! Oh screw you people!!

Dear teachers!!stop your bullshit. Allright?? Do you think it is easy to come up with what Einstein did at his life and learn his theories? I don’t care whether Neil Bohr is correct or Rutherford? I just simply don’t. And common, we all students know what you do. When the topic is tough, and you have a problem, then whenever we ask questions then how nicely you modify it and nullify it. And when you ask questions and we can't answer, then there we go to another forty minutes of how you were when you were student, how you read, your percentage in bachelors, degress!! We don’t care. We simply don’t. And yes I don’t see any point in learing structures like, "मद्वरा काम गरियो।" Who says it and when?? Oh common teachers, stop your bullshit!! 

So, I've learnt that everyone should stop their bullshit. Stop advising others, stop suggesting others, stop bragging about yourself. If there is what it takes for you to win inside you, then go get it, else just shut up and stop advising about how to do it the proper way. 

Now I know that there will be many comments called, "Stop your bullshit". But anyways, till my next article, I bid good bye then, despedida!!!

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She Challenges Science

She1 puzzles science. Every human is supposed to have a three layered skin. But She1 has an extra layer of skin on her face that has been deposited by the fair and lovely she has been using since she was seven years old, that was actually intended to make her skin glow after seven days she used it, but look today, she is seventeen and has already used seventeen hundred fair and lovely, no results seen but still she is very patient. Anna Hazare is panient? Ha!!! compare with her…..

She2 looks at mirror and says to herself that she is actually looking prettier by fair and lovely which is really amazing and challenges science because she neither suffers from myopia nor hypermetropia but still it is amazing that she only can see such significant outcomes. Her parents tried to convince her, they took her to Tripureshwor for eye check up, bought a new mirror, zoomed her photographs in front of her but her mind set up and earth before "big bang" are basically the same, no theories seem to work on either of the cases.

She3 is another amazing case. She has proved science to be correct + protected the nose of all those beauty products. (Umm impressive.) But the problem with She3 is that she boasts her beauty to the world just as if she is princess charming who has just landed to the earth after all the beautiful girls of the world have died…. But dear, ninety percent of your beauty, which you think exists, is washed away once you walk in rain when the ponds( googly googly) from your skin is washed off, five percent of your "self called" beauty diffuses once your strong perfume bottle is emptied, and remaining five percent of your "so called" beauty goes off once your nail polish remover is misplaced. And why are you out there thinking you are the most beautiful girl? Serious advise for She3, dear: the things you are using as beauty products are not beauty products. They are, "SHOW OFF" products. Thought of the day for you darling.

She4 is the most modern or bold or shall I say "revealing" type of girl in the college. When I am using the word, "revealing", I am not talking about her ideas, I am talking about her clothes…..I should not be saying clothes, I should rather be saying, "Clothes??" Whatever that is, there are many she4 in every college who are rather like sodium metal, common, didn’t you get it? Damn it I am trying to say, "Hot". But, darling, ninety percent of your hotness becomes "thanda" once the college bans short skirts, the remaining ten percent of your hotness will itself freeze once your dad sees you wearing transparent white shirt in your college uniform and dear what is the thing that you boast too much about? I am here sitting here with my ears opened. Enlighten me, please!!!

She5 category is the group of "shes" who wears decent, talks decent, and is satisfied to be, "She5". They don’t go out with jerks. They are bold and are proud to be who they are. They rise above the Garnier products and believe that they should be beautiful for who they are, not because who they are (clever one na?). And, umm….sad part about She5 is that they are just damn too rare…..few, damn!!! phew!!!!

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सम्झनाका सन्दूकहरु

Udesh with Rastra-kavi Madhav Ghimire

A Nepali-flavor this time. A poem from a fantastic poet & equally beautiful person; My friend; My brother: Udesh Pandey.

UDESH, studying in Goldengate Inl'l College, has got a good hand in Nepali writings. Awarded as- "The CHILD OF THE YEAR-2063" for literature, this brilliant 17-years-old lad has already published four books of his works. Here is one of his poems which really touched me : 

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Mero Rajesh Dai

If you've been out just strolling down the streets in this vacation, then surely you've gone through this poster of the film, "Mero Rajesh Dai"!!!What was that for name of movie??Haha,!!! That is nothing, there is another nepali movie called, "Mero Nikhil Dai". What kind of producers have we got in Nepal??Oh dear!!!

The main problem with Nepali movies is that it is only colorful version of the old 80s Hindi movies. Now, I am not one of those town dwellers, who just pretends to hate Nepali movies for shake of showing how modern he is. I have also watched them. Many of us may have watched Nepali films like, "Balidaan", "Kagbeni", "Sano Sansar". These movies to some extent have tried something new, and that’s exactly what Nepali film industries needs now. You cannot be afraid to experiment something new, because of the fact that you're afraid it will fail. It's like never building a house because you're afraid that it will fall down.

When I go through the posters of Nepali movie, it, it just irritates shit out of me. There is always a hero, out of three posters; one is always of Rajesh Hamal. The hero is usually in bike, the heroine is busy having her sari blown in wind and posing some vulgar poses. The villain of the movie has this small cut or bleeding face and is with knife and usually long hair with huge anger in his face. There are fires in the backround. And there are some people flying the pulsars on the posters. That is it. Nothing more. No matter what is the name of the movie, whether it is, "buba ama", or, "daju bhai", "mero rajesh dai", " hamro saino" or whaterver crap that is, same is the formula. Common, that’s really insane. You cannot show gun in every movie. The name of the movie is "buba ama" and why on the earth is there a person showing gun, fire on the backround, a sexy pose by the heroine? Oh dear I have such a huge pity for our nepali film industry which people call Kollywood….Haha, that’s another shit. Kollywood!!!

One day I was hugely bored and then decided to go for a Nepali movie. I wish someone had told me that was a bad idea. Dear god, I had heard that movie had done well in Nepali box office. The name of the film, "Goreto". Needless to say, there was Rajesh Hamal. Oh dear, that was nothing but simply torture. Even more torture than when I hear, "when I was your age" lecture from parents. It was nothing. Actually the movie had nothing, nothing at all. Yes, I said "at all". The stereotypical dialogues, hero can beat hundreds of villains in one punch, but when it comes to main villain, there is always competition. At first hero falls down, is beaten, but when he hears the sound of his loved one, then suddenly out of nowhere, he discovers so much of inner force in him. He shouts, "Haiiiiiii". This eco of the sound is heard by villain and within minutes, the villain dies. Another shit...Haha

Dear producers, why don’t you think of new ideas than these rubbish? And still you guys complain us for not watching Nepali movie and you do that emotional blackmail of Nationalism. Screw you people. If you can't even think of an innovative name of the movie and by swallowing your pride, you directly name the movies after Hindi movies like, "Don", "Dhoom", "Wanted", then what do you expect from us? How can you even dare to think that we will go to watch that rubbish for three hours knowing that there will be nothing except torture? 

It's high time; the producers of Nepali films understand that we go to movies, when we feel bored not when we want to feel bored.

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Love, my foot!!!

Just flow of some testosterone and progesterone and what people call it, love? My foot. Love is when my mother loves me, when she tells me stories when I can't sleep, love is when my sister comes around me and cheers me up when I am all alone crying in the balcony, love is when my dad hugs me with tearful eyes whenever he goes out of this valley to work. That is love. And what people call love? Just some flirty SMS, just some long talks on phone, that "you hang up first talk in phone", and dear, you call that is love. My foot.

You saw her in your dream and you confirmed you were in love? I see ghosts in my dream. Let her call whatever that is, but to me that was never and that is never love. Just some hormones flowing in the body and dear lord, people call it is love. Actually the media has hyped this love thing so much. To have boy friend or girl friend is a fashion. My sister who studies in six class has a boyfriend. Oh dear, and she calls it love. Whenever you like someone doesn't mean that is love. I see people being fooled by the worst four letter word, "love", I know you were all thinking the other four letter word, oh my dear friends….

No, I am not drunk right now; I am in my perfect senses. But if anyone has lost their senses then, its them who are calling it love. Stupids. Now for many of those who are very close to me know that I am one of those anti romantic, ani love stuff person. I rarely listen to love songs; I rarely talk about love for I believe there are other important things a healthy mind can be engaged rather than these stupid love stuffs.

I don’t know how to end it, but to me, love sucks. Yes dear, to me love really sucks. It's time to wake up. See the world outside, widen your gaze."Love is simply an illusion of a hopeless heart", I had read that somewhere. There is a whole world outside that flirty SMS and those lengthy talks on phone. Pals, rise up now. So, guys if you've just broken up from that vast illusion and you are wondering what have you done? Then trust me, that’s the best thing you've ever done. And dear if you've fallen to that flirty SMS and those beautiful lips, then I am sure it's gonna be dark out there.   

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Moving with wave

My grandpa coughs with blood, he’s sick

When he had thought he would walk only with stick

Wind was blowing carrying the dust

Grandfather’s eyes fell upon the rust

She still walks with her beautiful lips

Spreading the world about her beauty tips

Who will gaze in those beautiful eyes

When she turns sixty five

I feel the clock is talking to me

Outside my window, mountains I see

Standing still, being so proud

They don’t know melting, they’ll fall down

Where will my corpse be one day

Eaten by vultures or silently they lay

Where are we running, and what are the prize

Crossing the oceans, running all miles

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Dude, Where's My Constitution??

Your names shout dishonesty. When we see your faces, we feel like seeing a bunch of shameless people who do not have any decent qualification to do anything else than playing with our money and time, not to mention our emotions, you are the worst sons and daughter a mother can expect. You are all masked people always hiding from truths. All that you say and do is superfake. We wonder what you people discuss during your party meetings…about how to distribute commission, how to manage the inflowing money, how to strengthen party's grip or how to keep clinging to the posts! Oh what a crap!

Even a Nepali infant hates you, needless to say about the others. The tourists who raise their nose in disgust after smelling the sewage and drainage you had once signatured you'll take care off, the traffic police who has to clear the road for your savari, the lawyers whose job is nothing but simply reading the judgment even before the verdict is heard, a common person like me who has been watching you saying we'll change since the time this memory can recall, and all those people who elected you, we all hate you. After all you have sold our nation to them, every possible pieces, every inches of soil, every probable strands. You have already sold everything, we once had. What we are left is a soil that has a fine Indian sarcasm in it, what we are left with is a proud history that you have let to rot, what we are left is watching our water flow upon their land with an thirsty throat. We are left with nothing yes we are left hollow by you people, very hollow indeed.

Look at you guys, driving the pajeros, wearing suits and pants and posing cool pictures for tomorrows headlines, and beneath you lies a deadly alien, an alien who does not know what it is to see the children crying when you return empty handed, you don’t know what it is to make a hungry child asleep, you don’t know what it is to look at the children's face and pretend you had enough food, so that your children will return to bed full stomach. You people, what do you know about what it is see the world outside the screen of your multicrores cars. Undear leaders what is pain in the mother's eyes  when one sees his son dying with the bullets just after worshipping a Musjid, what do you know about that pain??

In fact, you should be nominated for Oscars. No one in this world does it better than you, yes not neither Rajesh Hamal or Rakhi Sawant (no offence to Rajesh Hamal but dear god who likes Rakhi Sawant?). How fantastically you do it? And no no, the thing does not end here. You complain a lot. You complain that there are people; in fact you rather call it abled people, who are leaving the nation and betraying the motherland. Excuse me dear saviors of the nation, had you left some free seats for us after employing your vatija, your sala, your kaka's chhora, then we wouldn't have gone to some strange places to earn bread and butter. And common, had we not gone abroad, then from where on this nation would have the money rained so that you can ride cool pajeros to inaugurate new mall on the town? We all people love this nation. We are obsessed with this nation. But you, we suspect!!

And oh dear, how can we forget our unwelcomed and undear 601 category. UnDear 601, what exactly have you been doing for these years except extending your expiry date?? How could the assembly hall not collapse during the earthquake? Damn, you earthquake!!! Thing does not end here. Dear, undear 601 group, you rather go and make a gang and directly loot people, why do you do it by sitting on the governmental chair by having that huge pride on your heart of being elected by the people in that assembly hall? Damn our hands who elected you.

May this soil always curse you, till your death. May a flood in Koshi rise to sweep your dead bodies. May the wind of change carry away you all so far that we won't need to see the face of bunch off losers. Hope you all will die out of pain and cries. May your dead bodies be eaten off by the bloody vultures. We won't be unhappy to see your carcass. Die soon; these are my blessings for you this Dashain.

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Letter to my future son

Dear Son,

I'm rotting here in this self made hell and dreaming how it would have been if I had played one more game of hide and seek, if I had stolen one cup of sugar and ran across the hall, who I would have been if I had really followed my passion, my dreams ignoring those all who thought I was unrealistic, what love would have been if I had dared to marry her by giving a damn to what society thinks.

With complete paralyzed body, hearing disability and poor vision, I still have that faint shadow of my dreams, I had once dreamt. Coughing with blood I am cursing myself here son, in this death bed. The bed has become wet of the tears I have cried. To hold other's tears, I lived this hell and I am rotting down. I lived with the fear of tomorrow and look at me today I am silenced with the fear of coffins looking at the watch I stay waiting for him to take me with him. With blur vision and deafness I can simply imagine what it would be to live again.

But my son, tomorrow, I don’t want you to live the life I lived because there aint no second chance. I want you to go out there and do it far more better than you think you can, follow you heart, follow your passion. Have the wildest dream. There will always be people telling you that you cannot cross the ocean. Remember this: people who tell you, you can't are wrong. There will always be people telling you how hollow and unrealistic are your thoughts. Then my boy, follow your intuitions, have faith in yourself, be prepared to drop sweats, be prepared for some liters of tears, they are down the lane in anyone's life.

Earth is simply going to conspire against you and bring you down to your knees. Be prepared. But fight you must, fight for your dreams, fight for what you really want. Don’t betray your soul, don’t betray your dreams. Take off your ideal jacket and work like hell out there, work there in freezing cold, in scorching sun. Work like a mad man. No the sun will not always shine, there will be sunset, it will turn dark, you will be lonely, you will be alone, and at the middle of the road, you will feel cold inside. Then remember me, there are moments like these. Believe in yourself, believe in dreams, believe in sweat, believe in work, and believe in miracles. You are not one of the best, you are the best. You are my blood and you are in my blood. Till the last breath, I'll always love you.

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