The Silence After The Storm

"This layer of vacuum between my skin and yours, it does not send cold down my spine, it is my blanket. It gives me warmth. It gives me pleasure. Perhaps that exact pleasure for which a guy loves a whore."

Now that you've gone, there is emptiness. But I am content with emptiness. There is so much of an emptiness followed by emptiness, followed by emptiness that there no space left for you or your memories or for anyone any longer.

I am in love with this vacuum. I want to be soaked and I want to be rinsed in it. I want to bathe in this vacuum, I want to breathe this vacuum. No, it does not frighten me, it does not bring cold down my spine. This layer of vacuum between my skin and yours is my blanket. It gives me warmth. It gives me pleasure. Perhaps that exact pleasure for which a guy loves a whore.

And those memories you say? Well I have ignored them so much that they refused to stay with me. I have ignored them so much that they have begun to doubt were they even real or a mere hallucination in a drunken Friday night. They pleaded my attention, they begged me. But I played it like a stone, I played it like you and they died because I refused to water them, I refused to feed them. Even their carcass was scattered by the wind. I don't even know where the wind took them. And I don't even wish to know.

I know that you think you define me. That you think you protected me with your arms around me. No, as it turns out you suffocated me, you took the space with your arms around my shoulders and made it difficult to send air down my throat.

 While driving a car, the man who had once walked down the same street thinks, that the sun is not almighty anymore, that the sun is following him, that the sun cannot live without him anymore, that the sun will die without him and he drives in awe. But once he applies the brakes, he understands the sun does not move. He comes to the awakening that the sun never moved, the sun never moves, the sun does not shake.

No, sweetheart you got it wrong again. I don't hate you. You are neither my heart nor my appendix. You are neither the fuel nor the friction. You are neither the air nor the poison. You are nothing.

These days, I am entirely self sufficient. These days, I can sew my own stitches you know, pull my own bandages. These days I have learnt to enjoy the ride alone. Just me and my shadow!!