The "U" Turn Their Atoms Took

Look into my eyes and tell me you weren't hurt. Tell me you didn't think of them as monsters. With them laughing so loud that your cry for help seemed like just another reason to laugh, tell me it didn't make you cry louder. With the volcanoes bursting in your vein, with your bones trembling in front of you disobeying your orders to stand still; one more breath please, stand still please, that day you'd called your god traitors for they had given birth to look alike demons who you'd hoped you'd never have to see them wandering through your dorm rooms like they own you, like your flesh was their property, like your bones were meant to be dissolved with their words of hatred that could leave the god trembling watching their sons strangling their brother's throat.

That day you sat in solitude cursing yourself for breathing in the thin air which walled you from them, that thin air which marked the territory of your tears trying to reach the ocean and their laughter so loud they could crash the bells of temples, leave them down to ground and destroy every evidence that something even lived there. Their words leaving your soul like Hiroshma and Nagashaki, you wondered if green would ever appear out of the desert they had created. Do you remember?

Do you remember the talks to your mother where you were crushed like an empty can, but you held yourself together; those five minutes, those five minutes where you acted so strong, those five minutes when the strength of your veins were tested like a tsunami testing the strength of a dam that is hollow inside, just waiting to be broken. Please don't rupture now, two more minutes to go. "I am fine mother." Lies. No you weren't. You reminded yourself to inhale again and then you wondered if it was even worth it. The journey of the air from your throat to the lungs felt like it would take forever. The sky didn't fill with colors and the rainbows looked like the work of devil painting from his crayons dipped in blood. We are all atoms bound together with a glue which you had discovered that day could be easily washed away with hatred. And your eyes saw yourself in the floor shattered into so many pieces you wondered if it was worth collecting it again only to be broken by the first words uttered by the masters wandering around your room with the sound of their boots so loud that could easily silence your soul.

But a year later, today the hate has metamorphosized you to the exact person who you'd raised your voice against. You've waged war against your own soul. You've handed John 19, Jack 21 and Lisa 20 with antidepressants Desvenlafaxine, Levomilnacipran. It's funny how your atoms took a complete U turn in three sixty five days. Just because you were robbed does not give you any right to pull the trigger on the innocents. My delusional friend, I hope you find your way back.