8:04 PM
Samrat Babu Koirala
The jurisdiction was against me. I was not enough. A 160
characters in the text would call it a day, the sentence for my insufficiencies,
my failure to be a creature without a scratch.
On the day you decided I was not enough, I swung back
to my pits. Past, present and future collided simultaneously, simply and
dreadfully. But hope is a crazy thing. You would think at one point, people
lose it, like everything else we lose, like losing people, like losing love,
like losing friendship, like losing innocence, like losing dreams, like losing
glory. But it is not easy to lose hope. It sticks like a stupid unwanted
chewing-gum which you just can’t get off you. Prisoners to be hanged go through
this. Just as they are about to be hanged in the rope, they develop a delusion-
“Maybe, I will be the exception, maybe I will be left free” – the delusion of
reprieve. I think evolution wise it has
its significance. Afterall what if the creature told the nature, “Why bother”,
who would reproduce then?
So, I stuck with my deluded hope for that one tring,
that one “hi”, that one nod. Imagine where delusion is your only chance of
survival against harsh reality, would you still cure it then? A broken heart
waiting to heal on lies, how pathetic!
Last night I got a text from you saying how you had
missed me. Is it possible to miss someone you did not want to be with? Was the
loneliness too big to rise in protest through your soul? Was it I you missed or
was it loneliness that was too terrible? When you have never been treated with
indifference, can you even know what love is?
So, I would pick it up, your calling, your protest of
loneliness. And you would pick it up, my desperate need of getting validation.
My pathetic attempt to find a company would resonate with your screeching
loneliness and we would call it, “love”, whatever the hell that means.
