The Shadows Of Unknown

"You are whispering some prayers but the god never listened to you, why would he listen now?"

It is 11:57 in the night and the demons have started crawling in your veins like terrorists making their way through a secret tunnel in the dark; one by one, slowly poisoning your blood. Your shadows seem more real than your face. Your face melts like ripe apple melts on being kept in an acid.

Your mother warned you there are no ghosts but no, the journey from your room to bathroom feels like it has been ambushed by the bombs that could shatter your atoms to all the dimensions possible. Your friend had told you how his friends saw something on the dark alley burning at the middle of a night. Your chemistry teacher taught you it is phosphorus that burns at night but, it does not take a genius to see something outside burning so bright that hurts the pupils. You try to close your eyes but the light is approaching you and amazingly you who used to get scared of dark finds yourself getting scared of light. You try to run but the trembling bones, they don't support the motion. The ligaments under your skin have given up the hopes like they are waiting to be crushed by an unknown force which you are sure is stronger than a thousand suns. You think you hear someone laughing, you think you hear someone crying. Your senses like a pendulum clock are dangling from bad to worse. You tell them to stop but they are traitors, they don't listen to you any longer. You are whispering some prayers but the god never listened to you, why would he listen now?

The light outside your window is coming closer. You are sweating every ounce of water you had drank in your life, you might not have tears to cry if the evil could be manipulated with sentiments. You try to stop them, but your skin, your skin feels like an inflated balloon penetrated with a thousand speeding bullets, any attempt to stop the spill would be absurd. The light comes closer. You see he is wearing a hat. It must be a human. But all the murderers in the movies wear hat. Now you wonder if you want that hat figure to be a murderer or a ghost.

All your problems suddenly disappear now. Jasmine has been ignoring you for like a month and you think she likes the new guy from another section more than you. It does not matter. Your father has been drinking a lot and talking loudly. It does not matter. Your teacher today insulted you on your face and everybody laughed. It does not matter. You failed the last test and your family does not even know about it. It does not matter.

The hat figure is three footsteps away from where you can identify him from your window. And now your lungs are giving up. You are hoping this is a hallucination but the clock earlier showed 11:57 and now it is 11:59. It can't be a hallucination. Two steps left. It could be a watchman. Yes, definitely watchman. But he went to his house in village after his mother died. No, not the watchman. Now you are disintegrating in pieces and your brain is ready for one last guess. No name strikes your mind. You call it quits. You inhale wondering if this set of air reaching your lungs would ever make its way back to your throat. You still want it to be a dream.

Final step. You can identify him now. You never liked your friends playing pranks but right now you desperately hope it is them or it is a dream. But it is neither. You see him. And the first thing that hits your mind is that it is over. His head looks like that of a lizard with a hat on. His tongue is rather long and seems to be soaked in glue, his saliva is mixed with blood. He has a broad chest with scales. His feet are stout and large and his soles are gigantic with many toes. You tried to count the toes but lost the count after thirteen.

He looks at you straight in the eyes and says, "You just scrolled and did not hit "like" on your newsfeed on the post on September 13 about me in your facebook. Remember?" Would you laugh? 

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The "U" Turn Their Atoms Took

Look into my eyes and tell me you weren't hurt. Tell me you didn't think of them as monsters. With them laughing so loud that your cry for help seemed like just another reason to laugh, tell me it didn't make you cry louder. With the volcanoes bursting in your vein, with your bones trembling in front of you disobeying your orders to stand still; one more breath please, stand still please, that day you'd called your god traitors for they had given birth to look alike demons who you'd hoped you'd never have to see them wandering through your dorm rooms like they own you, like your flesh was their property, like your bones were meant to be dissolved with their words of hatred that could leave the god trembling watching their sons strangling their brother's throat.

That day you sat in solitude cursing yourself for breathing in the thin air which walled you from them, that thin air which marked the territory of your tears trying to reach the ocean and their laughter so loud they could crash the bells of temples, leave them down to ground and destroy every evidence that something even lived there. Their words leaving your soul like Hiroshma and Nagashaki, you wondered if green would ever appear out of the desert they had created. Do you remember?

Do you remember the talks to your mother where you were crushed like an empty can, but you held yourself together; those five minutes, those five minutes where you acted so strong, those five minutes when the strength of your veins were tested like a tsunami testing the strength of a dam that is hollow inside, just waiting to be broken. Please don't rupture now, two more minutes to go. "I am fine mother." Lies. No you weren't. You reminded yourself to inhale again and then you wondered if it was even worth it. The journey of the air from your throat to the lungs felt like it would take forever. The sky didn't fill with colors and the rainbows looked like the work of devil painting from his crayons dipped in blood. We are all atoms bound together with a glue which you had discovered that day could be easily washed away with hatred. And your eyes saw yourself in the floor shattered into so many pieces you wondered if it was worth collecting it again only to be broken by the first words uttered by the masters wandering around your room with the sound of their boots so loud that could easily silence your soul.

But a year later, today the hate has metamorphosized you to the exact person who you'd raised your voice against. You've waged war against your own soul. You've handed John 19, Jack 21 and Lisa 20 with antidepressants Desvenlafaxine, Levomilnacipran. It's funny how your atoms took a complete U turn in three sixty five days. Just because you were robbed does not give you any right to pull the trigger on the innocents. My delusional friend, I hope you find your way back.

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Diary Of 4th September 2014

4th September, Thursday Morning 8 AM

When I was thirteen, I had a crush on a girl from school. My best friend gave me an advice, "Samrat, play hard to get buddy. Nobody likes cheap stuffs." I thought, the man has point. I played hard to get. She ended up with him instead. That bastard played politics on me.

When I was fourteen, a new cute girl made an entry on school. My another friend told me he had crush on her. I also had a secret crush on her. I tried to eliminate the competition and gave the same advice to him which my traitor friend had earlier given me. But she somehow liked the way he acted and they ended up together. And the universe did its wicked politics yet again over me and I ended up becoming a cupid instead.

At fifteen a girl who had never talked to me came to me when I was sitting all alone waiting for my turn of batting in the school yard. "I know we haven't talked before and this is going to sound awkward", she said..My heart started racing so fast, I swear if I had let it haul free, it would cross the equator twice.."There is nothing to feel awkward when you let your soul speak, there can never be anything more pristine than that", I said the creepiest line I ever said in my entire life (That's not true, I've said other loads of creepy lines ..but anyways).."Umm what's the phone of Pradeep? I kind of like him", she said.. Burn!! Burn!! Burn!!! "Yeah..he does not have a phone" "Well, Can you give him this letter?" I should have given that moron's number, I thought. I do gym everyday and lift like 20 kg weight like its nothing (That again is not true. If you have seen me, I look like a person suffering from marasmus and kwarshiorkar combined) but that fucking letter which she asked me to carry which probably weighed like 10 grams was one of the heaviest thing I ever lifted. And again the wicked universe made me a sad cupid.

At sixteen and half, I met this girl. I counted the petals. They gave me a green sign. We chatted for a while, she gave me green sign. His brother happened to read her chat logs with me, he gave me the middle finger sign. But the lovers aren't afraid I thought. That was until I knew his brother was a real don. But love is complete madness I thought again. If I leave her, I may break her heart, but if I don't that bastard is going to break my bones. As it turned out I guess I loved my ribs more than I loved her. "Coward", she yelled.."Thanks dude", my vertebral columns replied.

But I guess it all happens for a reason. I am dating a new girl these days. And I am going out with her today for a movie. She is the one who gave me a perfect reason why things never worked out between others. One who taught me that the walk through the tunnel is dark and scary but when the light comes then it is all worth it.

4th September, Thursday 8 PM

What the fuck did that bitch mean, when she said, "Samrat, you are so sweet. You are like my younger brother!!"

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